LETTER TO YOU, FRIEND - YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I know, it's tough. Your day is the opposite of what you planned or hoped for. You are overwhelmed by feelings that you can't explain and it seems the walls may be closing in. The quiet of your bed is the only thing pulling you in and you don't want to leave it. The tears come and you can't make them stop. You are thinking about issues that may or may not exist, but you are anxious of how they may arise or how they will unfold. Your mind is bouncing back and forth with no rhyme or reason. You are asked to talk through it, try to explain it, but you simply can't. I've been there. I know it and I feel it with every click on the keyboard as I write these words.
But, you are not crazy. You are not alone. And this. It will pass. It may pass for a short time or, as Harrison and I hope and pray, a long time. I've said in those moments, "I will never be happy," "This will never go away." I forget what is true and in those times, nothing is clear. It's been explained to me by a counselor as being drunk. No one can talk sense into me and we simply must wait until I'm back in a state of sobriety.
I'm writing this with clear thoughts right now, but a few days ago they were anything but clear. I was "drunk" with anxiety, worry and sadness. This time, it lasted a matter of hours. And now I pray that either there won't be a next time-because I am hopeful and expectant in Jesus' healing powers-or that if there is a next time, it won't last as long.
I can write this now, out of my most recent "drunkenness" and tell you there is hope. Based on my experiences, it won't always feel that way (and writing this down will hopefully serve as a reminder to me in the future, too). When we are on the other side of our struggles, rather than forget about it and simply move on, we must share that God's goodness is good and it is real. Remind others who may be in it that where there is pain, there is also healing. "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left." Lamentations 3:22-24 (The Message Version). Every morning, his mercies are new. Find hope and encouragement in that, not what the world says or what you can convince yourself to believe. Believe in the gospel. It is good.
And remember. You are not alone.
I contemplated not actually posting this. I wrote it yesterday and let it sit in my drafts and have now re-read it countless times. I debated and felt too vulnerable, I decided not to post it. And then, I read this in my devotional this morning, "We need each other. We need to know we're not alone. Who in your life might need to hear from you today, to know that she is not alone?"
Okay God. I'll post it.
My prayer is that by reading this, you may feel less alone.