I love my One Line a Day Journal for many reasons. I love to have something that helps me remember not only the big moments of life, but also the day to day (sometimes) mundane things, as well. I'm reminded of my teaching days, the funny stories from the kids and the hard, tearful days. Nearly every date Harrison and I have been on are marked on the pages of that journal, as well as the day I told my parents I thought I would marry him. That journal is full of joys and laughter, but also days full of struggle and hurt. In those snippets of the struggles, I can see the redemption stories and know that my God heals.
We are nearly halfway through the month of September and for me that means I have been reading pages of confusion and darkness from September of 2016. I was in a storm of anxiety, fighting it within the four walls of my bedroom and with family and close friends, but outwardly I put on the picture perfect facade and put my walls up as high as I could. I felt abandoned by God, forgotten. I listened to Satan's lies and my mind was battling everything I read in scripture or any reasonable/rational thought I had.
It took listening to counselors, taking time to breathe and reading back through old journals when I had memorialized how God had worked in my life in the past to rediscover truth. I had to be reminded of what was true by those I love and read it for myself throughout my own story. Looking back on this time, I can see that God was faithful in the midst of my struggle. He was faithful through the people he planted in my path and the encouraging words and listening ears that carried me through.
I think back to that season of my life frequently. When I think of it I remind myself it was a season, He did heal and His promises are real. I went to coffee with a dear friend of my mom several months after this season. I was newly engaged and we talked about all things engagement and wedding planning. She also took a minute to share with me that she had been praying for me this past fall. She didn't know why, but the Lord had put me on her heart to pray. No one had shared with her what was going on in my life at the time. That is how big our God is. He speaks through the Spirit and lets us experience how good He is through His people. To me, this conversation was a representation of God saying to me, "I know you think I had forgotten about you, but remember that I am always there and you are never forgotten, child."
He hasn't forgotten you either and He won't forget you in times to come.